The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty
by ladydhampir
Summary: Our lives are our own. That is a fact. Our lives are not ours alone. That is the contradiction. In a battle of wishes and desires whose wish shall be granted? Whose desires would be forsaken? multichap drabble ? KuroFai start of tokyo revelation
1. Let me die Let him live

Disclaimer:

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

Note:

Ah... this is not supposed to be a collection of one shots and it is not. It will follow the story line of TRC with maybe small sidetracks however; I can't consider it a series as well so I really don't know. This would appear to be a poem of some sort but I can't call it a poem either! Anyway... there would be lots of spoilers from the manga but the story starts with Tokyo Revelations. This would deal more with feelings so things would be confusing for those who does not read the manga. This would most likely be a KuroFai thing but it won't be yaoi...

.

**WARNING: This ISN'T as fluffy as the title**

.

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**.**

**I. Let me die… Let him live**

_**.**_

_**[Fai-kitty]**_

.

I want to die…

I long to die

I have to die

I need to die

but I can't die…

my greatest wish is to die,

give me a reason to die…

cause I can't let myself die.

...

Don't.

Let me die…

Kurogane

…let me die...

…

I tried

I really did try

I wished to save his heart

I wished to help

I wanted to help

I wanted but I failed

…

Now, he's in pain.

Emerald and amber eyes filled with pain

I wanted to prevent that pain

I'm worthless

I couldn't help and now

Now I cause trouble

I'm sorry

…

My power

It's my curse to bear

it's not meant for him

I can't let him suffer that curse

Let the curse die

…let it die…

Kurogane

… let me die…

…

It hurts…

All this power but I cant help

Is it really a curse

Am I cursed, or…

Am I the curse?

…

The wheels are turning

Everything from now on will change

My presence will make it worst

This is the perfect chance

…

I can't let myself die

I can't die

Although

I should die

I want to die

…

So as the wheels would stop

So please

Let me die

…

I'll regret it if I hurt Syaoran

I'll hate it if I hurt Sakura-chan

It'll be horrible to hurt Mokona

I'll hurt if I hurt you

…

Always looking stern

Red piercing eyes

So insistent

Always watching

Why do you keep on looking

You're the only one

The only one that can see through me

…you're…

worried about me…?

…am I important…?

…

but, that's just like you.

You wouldn't let anyone die before you…

…But…

please let me die…

I want to die.

…

_**[Kuro-puppy]**_

.

Idiotic mage going around with that fake smile

Drop the mask. Grieve if you must.

If you plan to always wear that mask then don't-

don't let me see a glimpse of your pain.

…

An idiot that has desperate eyes screaming for help

The very thing I hate.

Pretentious idiot who can't handle pain

…

"_**How can I save him?"**_

…

How could this idiot just think of dying?!

Selfish bastard

Don't get too close to someone and just think of dying

You're the one who acted too close.

Smiling like an idiot whence your ice blue eyes is as cold as its hue.

A dead heart afraid to care

A complete and total fake with eyes that cry

…

Idiot

…

-I'm also an idiot…

getting all curious about that mask…

… Getting perturbed by that pain…

…getting myself involved…

…wanting…

…yearning to see…

…see your real smile…

…so…

…

"_**How can I save the idiot?!"**_

…

…tell me how…

…tell me so I can see…

…see past the mask…

…see the tears…

…see the pain…

…see him grieve…

…see him smile…

I want to see the idiot with light hair and blue eyes smile.

…

A real unmasked smile

…

Who cares if it's not for me?

Who cares if it's a sad smile?

Who cares if he hates me?

Who cares if the smile I see be tainted with tears?

Who cares if he doesn't smile at me?

…

I want the idiot to live

Give him a chance to at least

…at the very least…

…live his life…

…have a chance to smile one day…

It's my idiotic wish for the idiot with blue eyes.

…

Ah… I really love these two… I failed to make a comedy for the two of them because of my current mood but maybe… somewhere along the line they might be back chasing and throwing curses…

Be kind enough to leave a reply… please…


	2. I Awoke He Awakes

Disclaimer:

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

Note:

Ah... this is not supposed to be a collection of one shots and it is not. It will follow the story line of TRC with maybe small sidetracks however; I can't consider it a series as well so I really don't know. This would appear to be a poem of some sort but I can't call it a poem either! Anyway... there would be lots of spoilers from the manga but the story starts with Tokyo Revelations. This would deal more with feelings so things would be confusing for those who does not read the manga. This would most likely be a KuroFai thing but it won't be yaoi...

**.**

**[WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title]**

**.**

**The devilish big puppy and the vampiric big kitty**

**.**

**II. "I awoke… He awakes"**

.

I wanted him to live

_**To die was what I want**_

My wish was granted

_**Forsaken was mine**_

I am relieved

_**Troubled am I**_

What will he do?

_**How will I react?**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**[Kuro- puppy]**_

I know that this is my wish not his

I am aware that things will change,

but still…

I am aware that things will never be the same again,

then again…

At least there could be something good about this

Or maybe there won't

...

I may no longer have to bear stupid comments…

I may no longer have to bear with the endless noise…

I may never have to bear with being forced to eat sweets…

I might not be a called a dog anymore

I hopefully won't hear my name changed anymore…

Those are good are they not?

At least the idiotic mage won't irritate me much now, right?

Although…

...

Would he speak to me at all?

Would he even glance at me at all?

Would he forgive me at all?

Would he be distant from now on?

Would he be able to live happily at all?

Would he be able to smile truthfully one day?

Will my wish come true someday?

...

My wish…

What was my wish?

Was it for him or for me?

I wanted the idiot to live so as he will smile…

But he didn't want to live… would he smile?

…

For whom was my wish?

I imposed my will upon him…

It's an act I hate, so why?

Why did I made him live when he himself wished to die?

…

In that case

-ah idiocy is indeed contagious…

The answer is simple…

After all it is my wish…

People can be selfish with wishes, can we not?

…

I wished for his life to remain

I wished for him to remain

I wanted him to live

I wanted him to smile

I wished to see him live

I wished to see him smile

I wished for him to smile…

… to one day smile…

…smile a real smile…

I wished for the idiot to live so as he may direct a real smile at me…

…

A selfish wish that may or may not be granted…

What will he do?

…

"_**Good Morning, Kurogane"**_

…

I saw a glimpse of gold…

It was cold…

Then it turned to ice, afterwards he smiled…

It was that smile

Ah- so that's what he decided…

My wish is far from granted…

Will it be granted…?

…

As I see the smiling idiot with very cold eyes…

I realized…

… my wish is no where near granted.

But I am stubborn…

I don't regret…

At least the idiot lives

…At least…

.

_**.**_

_**[Fai- kitty]**_

_**.**_

Azure eyes and blond hair with its caring sad gaze

Sharp unforgiving grey

Dark manipulative black orbs

I can see countless gazes passing in my mind

… a horrible dream…

Calm gold filled with love

Demented golden eyes surrounded by blood

...

'Please stop…'

...

A searching knowing gaze

People in tears, wearing a smile, wounded, dead

A bright innocent emerald

Determined amber

…pained…

An amber eye turning azure…

Again

… those loving gold…

…the sinister insane gold…

…

…blood…

…pain…

…a searing gaze…

It's pleading

… tainted with anger; desperation…

I hear my voice…

The emotion…overwhelming…

...

"_**I'm sorry"**_

...

I remember 'our' wish

_**I want to die**_

_**I want to die**_

_**I want to die**_

_**I want to die**_

_**I want to die**_

_**But before I die…**_

_**I want somebody to love me…**_

…

As I saw your face, your rage, your eyes…

I realized…

I can now die…

'let me die'

...

…deaths embrace…

…its suffocating yet welcoming…

…brother, I'm coming…

…

...warmth…?

What is this?

…this smell…

…this taste…

This is blood!

Pain…

Unbearable pain…

...

It hurts!

WHY?!

Even in death…?

Was my sin that unforgivable?!

Was my life that much of a mistake…?

It hurts…it hurts…why…?

Everything hurts…

My bones…

My chest…

My heart…

...

I can hear a voice…

It's pained…

Mine…?

No… its not.

…

As the pain subsides

I noticed…

Someone's near…

Always been near…

From the start…

I loosened my fingers…

Fingers clutching the mans arms…

I lift my head

Opened my eyes

…

I knew from the start

Knew that yours would greet me

Those crimson eyes..

I never thought the time would come

The time I'd hate those eyes

…

They had always been hard…

Why are they so relieved now…?

As my eyes closed again…

I mourned…

I mourned for the death of my wish.

…

My wish has not been granted…

It had been taken away…

...

As my consciousness retuned I felt it

I felt a new power stirring within me

Put it aside, I felt someone near me

As I forced my body in a sitting position,

I decided

…

I hate him…and so I said,

…

"_**Good morning, Kurogane."**_

Wah! Finally finished…I was really tempted to make it a two part but-hell it's supposed to only be one might as well stick to the original plan. Please leave me a reply… I don't care how short but please give time to at least tell me if it's bearable…


	3. Extra

Disclaimer:

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**[WARNING: The angsty and moody 'me' tried to make something fluffy]**

_**EXTRA**_

"..tsu….hear puppy puppy puppy…come here and let the big bad vampiric big kitty have a bite…"

"Don't scream something like that!!!! And DON'T- DON'T CALL ME A PUPPY!!!!"

"Wah! The puppy is gonna bite me!!!! WEEEE!!!!"

"IDIOT!!! Don't COME to ME!"

"Why Kuro-pon? Oooh… the big bad puppy wants to get me himself….he wants to woo me!"

"LIKE HELL I WOULD!!!! AH-! Don't CLING to me!!!!"

"……"

" Kurogane"

"…What? Thirsty? If you want to do something just hurry it up."

"As you wish…"

"……"

"Mage…"

"Hmm? Kuro-sama, you're trembling…"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Hmn… let me see…wooing you?"

"MAGE!"

"Kurogane."

"WHAT?!"

"kuro- rin you're SOOooo cute!"

"To HELL with you!!!! MANJU! My SWORD! And you- Don't speak IDIOTIC things like that so seriously!!!"

"Why can't I?"

"It's MISLEADING!"

" Ah..."

"Why are you smirking? And WHY- WHY are you NEARING ME? HEY!!!!"

"Kuro-sama… "

"WHAT?!"

"What if I say…I'm not trying to be misleading?"

"……"

"Fai…"

"Hmn?"

"I'll… _**cut you in half**_… YOU IDIOTIC VAMPIRE OF A CAT! LEAVE ME ALONE, BASTARD!!!!"

….

Well… just wanna try cute and fluffy…was I successful? Please leave me a reply….plEASE!!!!

Ah… I'm having a better mood. I simply wonder if It'd last…


	4. I decided He made a choice

Disclaimer:

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

Note:

Ah... this is not supposed to be a collection of one shots and it is not. It will follow the story line of TRC with maybe small sidetracks however; I can't consider it a series as well so I really don't know. This would appear to be a poem of some sort but I can't call it a poem either! Anyway... there would be lots of spoilers from the manga but the story starts with Tokyo Revelations. This would deal more with feelings so things would be confusing for those who does not read the manga. This would most likely be a KuroFai thing but it won't be yaoi...

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.  
.**

**The devilish big puppy and the vampiric big kitty**

**.  
III. "I decided… he made a choice"**

_Who cares if he hates me?_

_Who cares if the smile I see be tainted with tears?_

_Who cares if he doesn't smile at me?_

…

The heck-!

Who cares…?!

Have I not already admitted that I care?!

…

Who wouldn't care?

Who wouldn't be able to?

What sort of idiot wouldn't see?

…

He had made his choice…

I should have known…

I have already known…

I have already tried…

Tried to steel myself for this

…

Didn't I say I was stubborn?

Well, yes… I still am…

But still…

Being aware and stubborn isn't enough

…

I was surprised…

I knew he'd be mad

I was aware of his wish

I knew from the start that everything would change

…

It's just that,

knowing doesn't make you anymore prepared

…

He called me by my name…

It's the first time I heard him utter my name…

There were no modifications…

No –chan, -miyu, -tan, -pon, -sama

There was even no puppy…

…

It's not that I miss it…

It's not that I preferred all those names…

It's not like I got used to them…

It's just that, other than the stupid names…

There was no feeling of familiarity…

No companionship…

…not even friendship…

No warmth…

…

All in all his choice is clear…

He's distancing himself from me, the idiot.

…

Pathetic…

I can't believe I'll be this pathetic.

I know it shows…

It clearly shows…

I honestly don't want it to show

But, it shows…

…

The strongest warrior of Nihon…

Everyone would laugh…

Taken by surprise by an idiot with a smile

A very cold smile…

…

My pain…

I don't want it to show, and so…

I'll let this be… for now…

I'll let you do as you wish, for now…

…

My wish has not yet come true, I know.

Ahh…-

I must really be stubborn.

Because you see?

…

I'll make it come true.

…

…

[Fai- kitty]

…

I awoke anew…

It's not that I'm stronger

It's just I have a new power…

Another dead weight to add to my pain

…

I know what this would mean…

I know what this would lead to…

As I felt my anger leaking

I knew azure turned to gold…

It's a color I both hate and love…  
A color I have very recently acquired.

…

It must be because of the change…

I can feel him.

I feel him near…

I can sense him…

I can smell him…

…almost taste him…

…

It's the scent and taste of his blood.

…

Ahh… the signs.

I can perfectly feel the signs that I've changed…

I yearn it…

That bitter sweet taste…

Its scent, its feel…

…

Horrible…

…

How could he turn me into someone horrible…

Turn…?

Ahh… I almost forgot…

He needn't turn me unto something…

I already was…

I guess he knew…

Right from the start

…

…not any deeper…

Someone like me…

I won't-

I can't fall any deeper…

…

I was born at rock bottom.

…

Well, I guess

The only difference now is…

I am not just cursed…

I am not just a plague…

Not only a sign of death…

…

Now I'm a parasite.

…

A lowly creature with powers that cannot save

A being that can only cause pain…

…

Ahh- and pain I see…

At first, it was only shock and surprise…

Afterwards, realization and hurt marred his eyes…

I could almost feel guilt… almost.

I see him and my hate just run deep…

…

See his crimson red eyes that mirrored pain and dejection…

I see his reluctance and how deep the simple greeting cut…

It's just that… I could only see blood.

Blood in those crimson eyes…

And I almost seethed in hate.

…

I know that this was his choice…

I know that this is their choice

I know that they won't hate me for this but…

…

They won't regret…

Not now…

They are somewhat relieved…

For now…

…

I wonder how long…

How long before they wish me dead…

How long before their sighs of relief be turned…

Turned to sobs and tears…

…

The merciless hands of time won't stop…

The sand won't seize to drop…

Everything had been set into place

It had long before started to move…

But now…

The wheels are turning ever faster…

It can never be stopped.

…

I followed him with my eyes

This would be the first time

The first he turned his back without a single stinging word…

…

This is good…

Getting close to people

Just isn't something someone like me should do

…

As he moved farther away...

I just have to keep saying…

…This is much better…

…

I feel as if it's lacking angst… hmn…

Anyway, please oh please leave a reply!!! It's really not that much of a bother now is it? Just a few words… I really have to know just how you guys see my work…okay?


	5. Crimson Alcohol

**Disclaimer:**

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

**Author Notes:**

Hmm… hm? Wah?! Wow… I'm… I'm… I'm actually…alive? ALIVE?! YES! I'm SO alive! Hi guys! To those who waited… if there were any… here's the new chapter! Please enjoy!

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**.**

**III. "Crimson alcohol"**

**.**

**[Kuro-tan]**

.

Twisted…

So damn twisted…

Everything has gone so twisted.

It's like sleeping on a cloudy day

And then…

…waking up after the revelations….

Nothing is the same anymore.

…

Seeing determined amber whose presence I both recognize and don't

Watching as the brightness of an emerald turn dull…

...Warmth descending to an absolute zero

Whence there were loud arguments, quarrels and laughter…

… There are now…

…Uneasy silences, side long glances and uncomfortable companionships...

…

Everything felt wrong…

Nothing is right anymore…

As I see cold blue eyes that at times turn gold

I knew…

…In this situation…

…In this time…

The way it is now, is how it should be.

…

Emerald eyes that can't look me straight in the eyes…

Cold blue eyes that held concern only for one

He called her his princess…

I know he meant it.

He said that if she wished for it, and so he shall give it...

He smiles at her, wishing to ease the pain…

Instead he manages to show her his pains and fears

The damn idiot's ghosts are coming near.

…

She looks up at you filled with power…

She knows something…

She's resolved to do a job only she knew.

The pain she tries to hide…

The person she tries to avoid…

The sweet smile she now locked up…

Yet her eyes show her love.

…

Both blue and emerald changed in character

While the amber became a whole different being

They all hold secrets…

All of which I knew were born from the dark

…

Damn the idiots for their secrecy…

Damn them for the pain they hide.

They damn themselves for letting the pain eat them alive …

…and most of all…

Damn them for leaving me to take care of them.

…

Speaking of damnable idiots

A certain idiotic mage has asked me for a drink.

…

"_**Sake"**_

…

Is there even a need to ask?

Of course it can only be sake.

…

He knew what was coming…

It made me wonder why he asked…

It must have been subconscious…

It has after all, it had been a while…

…

I am aware of his needs…

I could sense it in the air…

For warriors it is often referred to as…

"Bloodlust"

…

I knew he wouldn't come willingly…

I knew he'd prefer death…

But of course I knew…

He wish not… as of yet… to die

…

And so…

Even if I have to shove his needs to his face…

I will…

For this… after all is payment.

…

Payment for my wish…

It is my responsibility for this was a product of my wish…

…In a way…

…

_This is my wish_.

…

Crimson liquid flowed…

The steady flow of the fluid of my life…

And is now a part of another's life…

The question is…

…

"_**Drink"**_

…

Would the blasted idiot…

…take it…?

…

"_**Or I'll just let it flow…like this."**_

**.**

**[Fai-Kitty]**

.

I knew this would happen…

I knew everything won't last…

I knew the light would leave…

I knew I shouldn't have.

…

I tried to stop myself…

I set rules for myself…

I made sure to not let anyone in…

I tried…

I really did…

…

Yet again…

I failed…

Just like last time.

…

"_**Fai…"**_

…

They say people learn from experience…

They say people adapt…

I guess that was my first mistake…

I made the mistake…

…Of considering myself…

…as one of them…

…

"_**Fai…"**_

…

I let them in…

She was so pure…

She was selfless…

She was bright…

Emerald eyes that shone filled with love.

…

He was so brave…

Always so determined…

Ever ready to help and yet still so pure.

…

Him…

I would scoff.

He was neither pure nor selfless.

He isn't light more of dark and yet…

And yet he was…

…considerate…

…so in depth…

…so aloof and reserved and yet…

He was open.

…

A closed character with an open mind…

He was tainted but he fought…

He knows the meaning of pain…

The hurt of loosing…

He knows what I hide…

…

"…_**can you hear me…?"**_

…

Crimson eyes that mock me like blood…

Always looking with distaste and yet with concern…

It was…

Unnerving…

Hateful…

Abhorring…

…

These three managed to get through to me…

They made me open up…

They managed to make me forget…

They gave me happiness…

…

_I hate it…_

…

Happiness that wouldn't last isn't needed…

I don't want it…

I didn't want it…

I didn't need it…

I didn't look for it…

But…

It was already too late…

…

"_**Fai… the King…"**_

…

The wheels have already started moving…

It's getting faster…

Like the smiles and the laughter…

I know…

Even this hurt silence of companionship…

…against the ravishes of time…

… it won't last…

…

"_**The King…"**_

…

Even the brief smiles…

The side glances of concern…

And hidden worries would soon be gone…

…

I wonder…

How long would this last…

How long could I keep this up…

…

"…_**he awakes…"**_

…

Ahh… and so it won't be long…

Everything would start to end…

Everything would vanish…

Just like last time…

Just like both those times…

…

Again…

It's all happening again…

Because of one existence…

They said it was because we were there…

They were wrong…

Because even that existence is now gone…

…

All those times…

All those lives…

All those pain…

There was only one cause…

It was because…

I was there.

…

And as I witness another case of destruction…

I could only yearn one thing…

Let me…

At least for a while…

Before everything gets destroyed…

Let me help her…

Let me…

…grant her, her wish…

It's the only thing…

…I can do…

…

Its pathetic…

All these power…

All these abilities…

All these…

I don't need these!!!

I lived for far too long…

Witnessed far too many…

Hurt and destroyed so much…

And yet…

And yet…

…for a small girl…

…for a small girl that hurt…

… for someone so pure being engulfed by the dark…

…for someone I am to hurt further…

Why…

Why is it, all I could do is is this…?

…

A temporary relief…

A fake smile…

A weak promise…

…_that I may not be able to keep…_

And oh-

I almost forgot…

…lies…

All I could give her are lies…

…

I want to die…

Why can't I just die…

Why didn't I just die…?

It would have been better if I died..

…

"_**Drink"**_

…

Ah…

I remember…

It's because of him.

…

"_**Or I'll just let it flow…"**_

…

His selfish wish…

His damned existence…

His hateful eyes…

…

Those damn crimson eyes…

…so much like blood…

…blood that now falls so freely…

…his blood he offers to me…

…his life he bargained for me…

…his life he's offering to me…

…

"_**It can't be helped…"**_

…

He won't stop…

He won't let himself be tainted…

He will fight...

…always fighting…

…like he's saying…

'_I won't be tainted… it will be fine.'_

…

"…_**right, Kurogane…?"**_

…

.

.

And it's a wrap!

Sorry for the very late update… I already have a plan for the next one and so I don't think it would be that long…

Thanks to those who have read…please leave comments for me so as I would at least know that there are people who actually read this… Hehe…I really don't know if people actually read this story or if they just skim through… I'm a bit worried.


	6. His life my existence

**Disclaimer:**

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

_**.**_

_**Manga reference:**_

**Let me die… let him live . .. .. .. .. .. .Chapter126**

**I awoke… He awakes.. .. .. ... . .. . . .Chapter130**

**I decided… He made a choice.. . . . .Chapter130**

**Crimson alcohol.... .... ...... .... ..... .....Chapter137**

**Your life… My existence. ... .. . ... . .Chapter138**

**.**

**Author Notes:**

Kukuku… I loved this part of the manga…it is SO kurofai…nya…

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The devilish big puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

"**V. Your life… My existence…"**

**.**

**[Fai-kitty].**

**.**

Sweet…

Intoxicating…

Addictive…

The taste…

The flavor…

The texture…

Just like I predicted…

Exactly like what I lusted for…

…

It is exactly what I thought…

This wine…

This drink…

This fluid…

This blood…

…This life…

Like those eyes…

Those crimson eyes…

…

It is warm…

So warm…

It's filling…

…invigorating…

…almost calming…

…and…

…reassuring..?...

…

Why would you…

So calmingly give such a thing to me?

It's not like you know me…

You don't know half a thing about me…

…

You know me not!

My past…

My ever so dark past…

A past I can't even look back upon …

A past that's now blank…

Nothing there to look back upon…

…

…My present…

…this life I have…

…such a thing is not even mine…

This is as for now not my life…

My present is like my past…

…it is non existent…

…

My future…

Such a word does not exist…

I have none.

If there is…

It would be dark…

So dark like my past…

My future would only be like my past…

I wish not see it.

…

All I wish for is the embrace of death…

But I cannot die yet…

No…not yet…

I still have one more thing to do…

No…

Two more things to do…

…

Two more things and then I can die…

I can finally rest…

I lived for far too long…

Pained far too many…

Caused the death of countless innocents…

Even two worlds became non existent…

Such are my sins…

Such are my ghosts…

Such are the things that I run away from…

And so…

…

…why do you go so far…

Why did you have to go so far...

…so far for a lost cause like me…

I can't die yet but you could've just let me die…

…so why…

…

This blood…

This warmth…

This life…

Your life…

Why?

…

…Why such a thing?...

…such a thing…

For you to share…

…to go so far as to offer…

…To even go to the extent to almost desperately provide?!

…

Can't you see?

Is it so hard too see?!

I'm not worth it!

Not an ounce of it!

I deserve none of this!

…

Why do you keep on doing this…

…can't you see I don't want this?

…I don't want this warmth…

…I don't want to be reassured…

I don't want to feel safe…

I… don't…

…don't want to depend on you…

To be used to you…

To your life…

To your existence…

To your presence…

…cause I know…

It won't be there for far too long…

…and it would be my fault…

…

…And so…

As I take what is offered…

As I drink what is spilling…

As I tasted your blood

As I take your life…

As I revel in the warmth…

I made another worthless promise…

…

"_**I won't let them hurt us…**_

…_**anymore…"**_

_**[Kuro-puppy]**_

I was relieved…

…I guess…

I was somewhat glad…

…with good reason, if I might add...

Hell, I would've hit him if he'd done otherwise.

…

For one…

Kurogane of Nihon doesn't spill his blood…

…for reasons that are of no good…

It was begrudgingly taken…

I had to shove it to his face…

…And to hell with it…

I had to cut myself…

All in all

It was fucking degrading.

…

Its just that…

As I saw that sarcastic smirk plastered on his face…

I saw hate…

I saw unadulterated irritation…

I saw…

…confusion…

…

Hell… my pride is big enough…

Such degradation won't even be noticeable.

That expression was made to insult…

It was filled with sarcasm…

Almost oozing with hate…

And yet there was a stench of confusion…

All in all…

That expression…

…it was real…

…

It was one of the few real expressions he had ever shown.

Whenever I catch a glimpse of such an event…

No matter what…

I feel better.

And so…

Damn pride.

I can live with little of it.

…

I turned away as he came nearer

It's not due to fear…

As If I'll ever be afraid of a little blood loss

It's just that…

I am aware…

He is weary…

He is doubtful…

He is worried…

…really feeling guilty…

I just had to turn away.

…

I felt the atmosphere change…

At that moment I knew…

I knew even without looking.

Blue have now melded to gold.

… I chanced a glance…

…and I…

I regretted it afterwards.

…

Well I guess I wasn't ready for that…

I knew the implications of what I have done…

I guess I thought I knew…

Now…

I'm not so sure.

…Golden eyes filled with lust as I see him lap up my blood.

It was…

By no better term…

…disturbing…

…

I guess It was weird…

Of course it is.

I knew His life now depends on mine…

I knew his hate was righteous…

After all… all he wants now is distance.

…

As I see those golden eyes narrow

I knew that even he is curious…

Curious and confounded…

I can even bet he's more confused now.

Confused with his reaction to my blood

I guess that it was a natural reaction…

To be drawn to blood…

After all…

It is my fault he is now a creature that yearns for blood.

…

As I looked away

I knew…

I feel no guilt…

He is alive.

That is all that matters.

…

As of the moment

all I saw was sincere hate and irritation…

a little fondness for my blood

and dare I say

he seemed relaxed…?

As if he was at that moment content?

...

It was just a disturbing thought that…

His life…

Literally depends on mine.

What if we got separated?

What if I died?

What will become of him?

…

_He'll die_

…

It's just that…

He wants to die…

Does he not?

And so…

He'll just be fine.

…

Such a thought…

It made me frown…

What am I to do?

Simple…

…

I am not allowed to die.

I don't plan to…

I know I will eventually…

But I never planned to.

It's just that…

Now…

I have two reasons as to why I should not die…

As of yet…

…

I need to return to my princess…

And that…

I need to live…

So as he will as well.

…

I need to keep my life to maintain and watch over his…

I need to be alive in order to see my wish fulfilled.

I need to be living to feel that warmth…

…of a real smile to grace his lips.

…

I can wait…

I somehow know…

His smile will follow…

I certainly hope so…

After all…

That is what I wished for.

…

As I noticed people who are watching

I felt a surge of hate…

I didn't need to ask but I still did…

He also noticed it.

…

As he licked the last traces of blood

I vaguely wondered…

I know that he is protective…

He will not let anyone hurt the kids…

He will risk his life to protect those lives that changed him so much…

It's just that…

…

"_**I won't let them hurt us…**_

…_**anymore…"**_

…

When I heard that…

I frowned…

As he turned his back on me…

I looked on…

He left without another word…

And yet…

As I remember his words…

I couldn't help it…

I smiled.

…

I guess…

Even though my wish is still far from granted

At least…

I know that if it does…

I still have a chance

A chance to see that smile…

…there is that chance that it would be…

…a smile for me…

That simple thought…

…it was…

…enough…

…

Let me explain this one…

The reason why Kurogane smiled was because he was relieved… He was a bit worried that Fai would not care if he died. And if Fai cares enough to not let him be hurt then at least there is that chance that the mage does not hate him… "too much".

Well. ..that's al I want to make clear… If you guys would want to picture the events more I guess reading the manga from chapter - would help. It's just that I would have to say that since this are more or less their thoughts they let on more than the manga shows. There are a couple of original thoughts… I added a little of this and that and there are lots of advance things like the description of a brother… a sinister person with goIden eyes… if anyone's confused about anything from start to now… please just ask… and please oh please comment.


	7. I lived and so it rained

**Disclaimer:**

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

_**Manga reference:**_

**Let me die… let him live Chapter126**

**I awoke… He awakesChapter130**

**I decided… He made a choiceChapter130**

**Crimson alcoholChapter137**

**Your life… My existenceChapter138**

**VI. I lived… and so it rainedChapter148-149**

**Author Notes:**

Sorry for my late updates…

This had been an Extremely difficult chapter…

I didn't know how and where to start

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

"**VI. I lived… and so it rained"**

.

.

**[Fai-kitty].**

.

…It rains…

…

As I watched

I wondered

The rain…

Shouldn't it be cold?

Shouldn't it be refreshing?

Why is it isn't?

Isn't it a blessing?

Why do I feel dread?

Shouldn't it be god's gift?

Why do I feel cursed?

…

The rain…

The rain I see

…It is red…

The rain is dyed in red

crimson red

Rain dyed the color of blood…

…

…I see…

Blood

It rains of blood

….

I screamed

…

I have seen this scene before…

I have dreamed of such a scene before

I have caused this sort of scene before

…Its just that…

Before

Bodies fell

Along with blood

That crystallized together with snow.

…

Bloodied bodies fell along with snow

Bodies fell for no reason at all

They fall all year around

Guilty criminals

Psychotic murderers

Prisoners of war

Thieves

Men

Women

Children

Infants

Soldiers

Couriers

Ladies of the court

Counts

Dukes

Countless nobles

And then

The King.

…

The King fell…

When he killed all

The king fell

When he had gone mad

The king fell…

When he killed…

…himself…

…

The country fell

It fell along with the snow

It fell leaving us alone.

…

They all left and fell like rain…

They all fell cause we were born…

They all fell because we lived.

Snow fell because we were there

Bodies fell because we chose to stay

_**We live… and so it rained.**_

…

I wanted to leave

I wanted to escape

I did not want this

I didn't ask to be born

But since I was…

Is it wrong to wish for life?

…

I wanted to live

I wanted a life

A life with one I care for

A life with him

A life with my brother

I wanted a life for us

Me and my twin

I wanted to live…

To live with Fai

…

"_**That wish**_

…_**I will grant it…"**_

…

Time passed

As the snow continue to fall

As the sky darken more

As our last ray of hope dim

Someone came

…

"_**Only one can get out"**_

…

He promised freedom

He promised chance

He promised life

He gave me…

A choice.

…

"_**Choose.**_

_**You or the other one?"**_

…

And then it fell…

Long blond hair covered in snow

It didn't glisten

It wasn't brilliant…

It was dull…

Like those eyes…

Azure eyes like mine.

Azure eyes that filled with tears

…

He fell.

…

"_**This is your choice."**_

…

Fai fell along with the snow

Fai fell and left me alone

One last body fell that day

One last body to fall on that land

…it was a single tear drop…

…

Fai fell

Together with the last crimson rain

…

"_**This is a curse."**_

…

I screamed

…

I cried

…

As I was bathed in blood

…

_**I lived… and so it rained**_

…

It was a curse

…

"_**Someone…"**_

…

It was my curse

…

"…_**with greater magical power than you…"**_

…

It was me

…

"_**If that person appears…"**_

…

I knew from the start

I knew this would happen

I knew it

... and yet…

I couldn't stop it.

…

"_**Magic greater than yours…"**_

…

I tried to keep to me…

I tried to keep away

I tried…

I failed.

And so it rained.

…

"_**Kill that person."**_

…

Petals fall

They fall like rain

Sakura petals fell

Falling instead of blood

Sakura petals dyed red

Sakura petals fell like rain

Sakura petals falling like blood

...

As the petals fell

…as they fell like rain…

I saw

Countless events

Countless memories

Countless instances

…

She smiles

She laughed

She cried

I saw all of that

I heard all of it

I bore witness to most of it

And then…

She bleeds…

I caused all of it.

…

Then I heard it

It echoed

It repeats

It wouldn't stop

It drowns all the cries

Drowning all the tears

Drowning my will…

…

"…_**This is a curse…"**_

…

I pulled the sword

She arched

Along with her blood

…

I promised

I promised her

I called her my princess

My only princess

I promised her

That whatever she willed

I shall give

…

I failed

…

I see blood

…

I screamed

…

As I bathed in blood

…

I chose… and so I was cursed

…

_**I lived… and so it rains.**_

…

_**The curse cannot be lifted**_

…

…

Kuro-chan's part would be for the next chapter.

This time I want them separated cause… well it felt appropriate.

Anyway, sorry for not updating for quite some time… a month or so?

But please… please leave a review. I would want to know how you guys see this…

I want to know if it's too confusing, if I'm too vague that's it's no longer acceptable…

Negative… Positive I will be more than happy to read as long as it's not burning me with its flame.


	8. Blood and tears fall like rain

**Disclaimer:**

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

_**.**_

_**Manga reference:**_

**.**

**I. Let me die… let him live--------------------------------------Chapter126**

**II. I awoke… He awakes----------------------------------------Chapter130**

**III. I decided… He made a choice--------------------------------Chapter130**

**IV. Crimson alcohol----------------------------------------------Chapter137**

**V. Your life… My existence-------------------------------------Chapter138**

**VI. I lived… and so it rained------------------------------------Chapter148-149**

**VII. Blood and tears… fall like rain -----------------------------Chapter142, 144, 148 & 149**

**.**

**Author Notes:**

I thank once again all those that left reviews…

I was quite ecstatic that they all were positive and I enjoyed reading every

syllable, word, sentence and paragraph.

…And so…

I am grateful.

…For that I offer…

Kuro-sama's part

Do enjoy!

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**.**

**VII. "Blood and tears… fall like rain"**

.

.

**[Kuro-puppy]**

**.**

It shattered

I saw it

So clear

So undeniable

So despairingly broken

...

His world shattered

All the cracked pieces fell one after the other

All that kept it there vanished

Vanished along with his mask

Vanished together with his smile

His ever so fake smile

…

It shattered.

…

He had smiled

Had tried to smile

He had tried so hard

So hard to keep the smile up

Tried so hard the keep the mask up

…

He kept on trying …

…even knowing that it's failing…

…

Amidst all the pretense

Amidst the fake familiarity

Amidst all the walls

Amidst all his lies

…

I see it

…

He dies

…

His eyes die

His heart dies

He dies

…

I told him

…

"_**Don't think…"**_

…

I tried to show him

I wanted him know

…

"…_**that it's so noble...**_

_** ...to just keep silent…"**_

…

I wanted him to see

I wanted the blasted idiot to see

…

"…_**and think that...**_

_**]...no one can understand…"**_

…

He isn't alone

…

He's blind

The damn idiot is just so blind

He couldn't see

…

…No…

It isn't that.

…

He didn't bother to look

He didn't want to see

He didn't want to accept

He couldn't accept

…

He was afraid

Afraid to see

Afraid to accept

Afraid

…

He was afraid to trust

He was afraid of being saved

He is afraid of the truth

He's afraid of the lies

He's afraid of what he may gain

Afraid of what he could loose

Afraid of what he may do

Afraid of himself

…

If only I knew

If only I was aware

I f only…

…

I wanted to know what he hides

I wanted to know of his pain

I want to know of the truth

I want to know the lies

I want to know

…of his wish…

…

Now I'm not so sure

…

I saw it

I saw his face

I saw his eyes

I saw the fear

I saw dread

…

We knew from the start

We knew that everything would change

We knew

We didn't know why

We just knew

…

The laughter can't last forever

The simplicity won't last long

The smiles won't last for far too long

We can't be together like this anymore.

…

There would always be a time

When things would change

There will always be a point

Where the plot deepens

It will always come

…

No matter what we do

No matter how hard we try

No matter how much we hope

No matter how hard we wish

…

It will come

…

I saw his eyes

I saw the pain

I saw the fear

I knew what he was intending

He wanted to leave

…

I stopped him.

…

And then

The game ended

That game where trust was the foundation

Where bravery and guts is the ultimate weapon

The game we played for a price we know wholly not

We won.

…

The price came down.

…

As I see him look up…

As I see his eyes widen

…As the doll fell…

I saw recognition

…and then he paled…

As I heard him scream a name

I knew

…

It had come

…

She knew.

She knew what I know not

She acted as she saw fit

He failed.

…

He promised her

Promised that if she wished for it

And so he shall grant it

…

He was trying to protect her…

She managed to protect him.

…

She protected him…

To some extent

What happened…

Broke him in various degrees

…

She planned to leave

The blasted child wanted to leave

We fought in that game

…for this?!...

She is SO like him!

…

Three worlds connect

Three worlds opened

Opened by her feathers

She has such pure powers

…

He left my grasp

He walked away

Walked away with a glassy stare

Walked away with slight smile on his face

…

The world is tinted in red

Has it always been this corrupted?

Has fate always been this disturbed?

It's like the ones who run this place has suddenly gone mad.

…

"_**Fai-san…"**_

…

She whispered his name…

She called to him…

…

"_**Promise me…"**_

…

She called to him with that voice…

Calling to him with those eyes

…

"_**Fai-san will value himself…"**_

…

Those saddened eyes

…

"…_**most…"**_

…

He promised her

He promised

That if she wish it

And so he shall grant it

He promised

…

He failed

…

He stabbed her

…

The world shattered

…

Bits and pieces fell

All so sharp

All so painful

All so irritatingly real

…

Everything shattered

It shattered as azure eyes clear

It shattered as it widened

It shattered

…

I saw fear

I saw pain

I saw horror

Horror beyond words

His eyes turned from shock

Into something haunting

It was as if he was seeing something

…

I hate it.

I detest it

I abhor it

I… DAMN THIS!

…

I hate being in the dark

I hate to just watch

I hate not knowing

I hate being helpless

…

They're suffering while we could only watch

They're dying as we watch

They're tearing down

Being broken

Falling apart

…

I screamed at him

I tried to make him hear

I wanted him to hear

I want him to stop

He has to stop

He needs to stop

…

"_**Don't pull the sword out!"**_

…

He screamed

…

His scream tumbled on us

It washed over us

Overwhelming

Like the blood

…

"_**Promise me…"**_

…

It rained on us like her blood.

…

"_**Fai-san will value himself…"**_

…

Crimson red diluted with his tears.

…

"…_**most…"**_

…

...

And so I finish…

This chapter is dedicated to those lovely people who reviewed.

I was so happy I just had to finish it right away.

Hope you guys liked it.

And once again…

I ask you guys to review

It makes my dull, uneventful, and depressing life so much better.


	9. His wish her request

**CHAPTER REWRITTEN (KUROGANE's PART)**

**.**

**Disclaimer:**

.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

**.**

**Manga reference:**

.

Let me die… let him live------------------------------------Chapter126

II. I awoke… He awakes----------------------------------------Chapter130

III. I decided… He made a choice------------------------------Chapter130

IV. Crimson alcohol----------------------------------------------Chapter137

V. Your life… My existence------------------------------------Chapter138

VI. I lived… and so it rained-------------------------------Chapter148-149

VII. Blood and tears… fall like rain ----------Chapter142, 144, 148 & 149

VIII. His wish...her request -----------------------------Chapter149-150

.

**.**

**Author Notes:**

**.**

Ah… it's been a while.

Sorry for that guys!

As I said in my profile I rewrote this since I myself was not happy with it-

most specifically Kurogane's part. The next chapter may come after some more time

since I am in the middle of blasted exams and they are unending.

Thanks to Shantarix

She made me look at this story of mine again- not that I left it- just wasn't up and about writing it

I was simply uninspired, unmotivated, and all those in between.

Of course that was completely ignoring the fact that I didn't like how I made this chapter (initially).

I'm happy with it now.

**.**

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**.**

**VIII. "His wish… her request"**

.

.

.

_**[Kuro-puppy]**_

.

It pierces.

…

His scream

It pierces

It cuts through all my defenses

It stabs through all I worked so hard for

…

His eyes

Faded blue strained with tears

So haunted

So pained

So unseeing

…

He no longer sees

His eyes no longer lingered with the present

His voice

His screams are not just for the present

…

His past

The thing he was running away from

The events long passed

It had now crept through what he has now

His consciousness

It had left

…

His ghosts have come

His past have come back

They came for him

They came to get him

He's letting them.

…

The damn idiot.

…

He can't even see her

He can no longer hear her

He- as for now is out of reach…

…to her...

…

Her voice can't reach him

Her reassurances can no longer be heard

The pleading in her voice can no longer touch

The apology and pain within her eyes never seen

...

She should have seen it coming

She should have realized long before

She should have learned of this long ago…

…

But then again…

As I said.

Knowing does not help.

Understanding is just not enough

Sometimes…

No matter how much it would hurt

What has to be done must be done

…

And so she really did it

…

She's leaving.

…

At that moment

As her soul hovered by him

As she tried to reassure him

As I continue to try and fail

Try… to take my eyes from haunting blue

I could not even make myself make him listen

…

I failed to keep myself calm

…

I am sick of this!

…

I knew they were hiding something

I just knew something was bound to happen

I just knew someone would get hurt

It's all for the best.

…

…but…

…

For her to plan such a thing

For her to do such a thing

For her to even know of such a thing

For her to keep being with us…

For her to keep hiding such a thing from us…

…

For someone so young

For someone so pure

For someone whose so bright

…

"_**Don't worry…"**_

…

Such a thing

Such an act

Such suffering

…

It's unbecoming

…

Other than that…

It is just

So damn annoying

…

"…_**my life won't disappear…"**_

…

As she said those words

As I see the pain in her eyes

As I see it fill with sorrow

I knew that at one point

…she lied…

…

"_**Don't forget**_

…_**from now on the future…**_

…_**can be changed…"**_

…

She may die

…

The path we walked on

That path were laid out

In that path her life was assured

Her life was a necessity

…

Now it isn't

…

She may just loose it

…

She lies

…

All for him

She lies for him

She wishes to protect him

She wishes to protect us

She suffered all this for us

…

They are just so similar

…

So similar

Similar even in the things they forget

Even with the things they fail at

Even with the things they cannot see

…

"_**Please…"**_

…

Sacrificing oneself for someone important

Sacrificing ones life

Sacrificing so much while the other could only watch

…

The pain you wish to be avoided

The pain you wanted to prevent

It will come

…

"_**Take care of Fai-san…"**_

…

Words she need not say

Words that are not needed be told

Such words aren't necessary

…

What I need to hear

Words you need to say

There are others things necessarily be told…

…

"_**Until we meet again."**_

…

Ah.

Good girl

…

How unfortunate

He does not hear

He cannot hear

Of all the times he had played deaf

Why did it have to be now?!

…

I can see by the way he trembles

I can sense it in him

I can feel it in the air

He's about to do something stupid

So when he took hold o the sword

I held on.

…

"_**Don't hurt anyone else**_

_**With that sword…"**_

…

He stared

That was all he did

He stared on

Blue eyes in a daze

…

"…_**yourself included…"**_

…

Then it cleared

The way he looked

The way his eyes widened

The haunted look it adapted

The tired blue it had become

…

It's agonizing to see

Too painful to look at

It must have shown

He must have seen it

I couldn't hide it

He must have understood it

He turned away.

…

Turned away from me

Turned away but met with another

I just had to sigh

This people really are annoying

…

The kid knows something

…

It was in his eyes

It's in the way he looks

It's in the way he stood

Everything in him screamed

Screamed of things he hid

…

"_**I'm sorry"**_

…

It was impossible to not hear

…

.

**[Fai-kitty]**

.

She bleeds

…

Blood so red

Crimson red

Flowing out of her

…

It's so

… disgusting…

…

Blood so disgusting

So unbecoming

Unbecoming of her being

Unbecoming like the pain in her face

Unbecoming like the look of sad knowing

…

"_**Fai-san…"**_

…

She knew

She knew all along

All along?

For how long?

How long had she known?

How long had she seen past him?

How long had she realized?

Realized all the lies

…

"…_**.I'm glad we made it on time…"**_

…

Her death

Her death has come

So this is my curse.

So this is why I was saved

This is why I live

So this is the reason why I was born.

…

"…_**Don't worry…**_

…_**my life won't disappear…"**_

…

To kill her.

To bring her harm

To bring her suffering

To cause her, her death.

…

Such a worthless life

…

Such a disgusting existence

Living only to bring harm

Born under such an unlucky star

A dying star…

…

"_**Don't forget"**_

…

I chose to live for this?

I thrived to be free for this?

I caused countless deaths for this!?

I killed Fai for this?!

…

"…_**from now on the future…**_

…_**can be changed…"**_

…

Long before

They gave us a choice

We- Fain and I- chose to live together

We chose to suffer together

We chose being together

We chose…

…

"_**I'm so sorry…"**_

…

In the end

He died.

He left me alone

To suffer alone

To be alone

…

He died all because I made a choice.

…

Now she dies

All because I made another choice

All because I made a wish

All because I want Fai back

All because I deceived her

…

"_**Please"**_

…

Such a worthless existence

…

Not worth keeping

Wasn't even worth having

No use fixing

No right in wishing

Too dark for hoping

…

"_**Take care of Fai-san…"**_

…

It's over

All over

Everything's finally over

…

My lies already has a result

My deception had bore its fruit

The curse had taken effect

This is where he said everything ends

This is where my role finally ends

It's… over. Right?

…

Die

…

I could just die

I could just disappear

I could now die

They'll let me die

They'd want me dead

They…I…

I want to die

…

"_**Until we meet agan."**_

…

Fai…

I'm sorry Fai.

No more

I cannot do this…

No. Not anymore

…

I lost her.

Like I lost you.

I killed her

Like I killed you

I wanted to protect her

Like I wanted to protect you

I wanted her to smile

Exactly what I wished or you

I failed her

Exactly like I failed you

…

I'm tired

So tired

So…

…

A hand

…

I turned

…

"_**Don't hurt anyone else**_

_**With that sword…"**_

…

Again…

Not again

No more

No…

…

"…_**yourself included…"**_

…

I see red

Crimson red

Eyes of red

Crimson red

…

He looked angry

He looked mad

He looked devastated

He looked worried

…

Why?

…

I turned away

I didn't want to see

I didn't want to see pity

I don't need it

I don't deserve it

I don't want it

…

I see it

…

Knowing amber eyes

…it pierces me…

His pain

…it overwhelms…

His determination

…it shames me…

His worry

…stabs me…

He understands

…somehow…

…it pains me…

…

"_**I'm sorry"**_

…

Please

…just hate me…

…

.

…

Please leave a reply, a comment, a feedback whatever you wish to call it

And again I am really sorry for not updating lately…

I simply couldn't.

And I knew better than to force myself

Especially in this fic

PLEASE CONTINUE BEING INDULGENT AND PATIENT

AS WELL AS LEAVE A REVIEW BEFORE LEAVING

The next update is indefinite

but it will come

I just don't know when


	10. Of blood and Ice

**Disclaimer:**

.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

**.**

_**Manga reference:**_

**I. Let me die… let him live-----------------------------------Chapter126**

**II. I awoke… He awakes---------------------------------------Chapter130**

**III. I decided… He made a choice-------- -------------------Chapter130**

**IV. Crimson alcohol----------------------------------------------Chapter137**

**V. Your life… My existence-----------------------------------Chapter138**

**VI. I lived… and so it rained-----------------------------Chapter148-149**

**VII. Blood and tears… fall like rain ------Chapter142, 144, 148 & 149**

**VIII. I deceived them… they lied--------------------------Chapter149-150**

**IX. Of blood and Ice---------------------------------------Chapter159-162**

**.**

**Author Notes:**

**.**

** Sorry for the late update!!!!!**

**I am giving off a warning that this chapter **

**Will be somewhat confusing**

**The style of this one is also quite different **

**from the other chapters.**

**There are lots of overlapping memories and lines**

**But in more than one way**

**I ended up liking it**

**I hope you guys will like it too. XD**

**.**

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

**.**

**The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty**

**.**

**IX. "Of blood and Ice"**

.

_**Welcome back**_

…_**Fai…**_

.

_**[Kuro-puppy]**_

.

I'm seeing red

Nothing but blinding red

And no matter what I do

I fail to remove it

Not from my sight

Not from my mind

…

Blinding red

Of uncontrollable rage

…

_

* * *

_

_**Your magic is the type that grows stronger the more you use it**_

_

* * *

_

_**.**_

_**[Fai-kitty]**_

**.**

A land of snow

Where the wind is ever cold

A land where endless snowflakes fall

Such are the lands I grew up on

The now desolate lands I once called home

…

I promised to myself that never again

Never again will I set foot in either of them

I willed myself to turn my back on them

To leave and never come back

…

I believed that I owed it to them

I owed the people a chance for happiness

I owed them for the smiles and acceptance

I owed them the happiness that I had experienced

…

I owed them so much

So much that I left

I left for their sake

I left for them to keep living

…

I guess I failed again

…

I'm beginning to accept

That life had never really

Really meant for me to live

Since everyone dies because of me

…

The land of Celes

The land of glorious white snow

A land of ever warm people

Of smiles and kindness

…

A now desolate land

Filled with scattered corpses

Frozen corpses of the people who smiled at me

Accepted me and praised me

…

The people I promised to protect

…

The land I promised to love and protect

…

I failed

…

These people

These people who healed me

They saved my dying heart

They taught me how to smile

…

They were the very people

The people who were most happy

…to see me smile…

…

I lived for them

I smiled for them

I tried to be happy for them

I thrived amidst all the pain for them

…

And yet I could not save them

…

_**Promise me Fai**_

…

Because of a promise I could not keep

A promise I no longer wish to keep

…

_**That to those who brought**_

_**Harm to the people of this country**_

…

A promise filled with the passion to protect

A promise I knew fully not

A promise I fully regret

…

_**You'd deliver**_

…

It was a promise to protect

…

_**Death**_

…

It was a promise to kill

.

_

* * *

_

_**I can't prevent your magic's growth but I can suppress it**_

_**I will place this seal on your body**_

_

* * *

_

.

**[Kuro-puppy]**

.

He stands there with that patronizing smile

Speaking as if he was above us

Looking pass all of us

As he gazed at him with those eyes

…

Sickeningly too familiarly

Gazing at him so adoringly

…

"_**I've been waiting for you"**_

…

Smiling at him with those crazed eyes

Beckoning him with those blood stained hands

Blood of his very own people

Blood of those he ought to protect

…

The blood of those he had killed

…

"**To grant me my wish**

**To keep your promise to me"**

**.**

**[Fai-kitty]**

**.**

_** " Ashura-ou"**_

…

My King

…

He was my savior

He was my light

He was like the sun

That melted all the ice

And saved me from the dark

…

"_**From today onwards**_

…_**you are…"**_

…

He gave me a new life

A chance to start again  
…

"_**Fai D. Fluorite**_

…_**of Celes Country…"**_

…

Together with a name

That binds me together

With Fai

…

_**So why?**_

…

Were all his words false?

Were all his smiles fake

Were the kindness just a pretense?

…

Or is it a curse?

.

_

* * *

_

_**By the time the seal disappears my magic will be stronger than yours**_

_

* * *

_

.

**[………]**

…

A fairy tale land

With a castle covered in ice

A white wonderland

Where smiles abound

…

The kingdom of Celes

So much like Valeria

So alive, peaceful and expectant

...

_**Bloodied bodies fell along with snow**_

…

**Valeria**

The kingdom that waited in anticipation

Waited for the birth of royalty

But instead of one

There were two

…

"_**The twins of misfortune"**_

…

And then Valeria fell

The country of pure snow

Fell with misfortune

It fell along with death

Replacing the white snow

…with blood…

…

_**Bodies fell for no reason at all**_

…

_**Celes**_

A fairy tale land

A kingdom covered in snow

Where smiles and laughter abound

They were thrilled

For a powerful sage has come.

…

_**They fall all year around**_

…

"_**He was my savior"**_

…

Years of prosperity

Gratitude and smiles

The country was happy

Even though

… death comes…

…

Once in a while

…

"_**He was my light"**_

…

And then the day came

For though one is dead

They were BOTH there

And one was happy

…

"_**The Twins of Misfortune"**_

…

_**The King fell**_

…

…**No…**

he had fallen

All those years before

He had long since fallen

…

"_**This is a curse"**_

…

_**Promise me Fai**_

…

"_**He was like the sun"**_

…

The king fell

When his hands were tainted red

He had fallen for his hands were dyed

… dyed in crimson red…

Crimson red the color of blood

…

"_**Someone with magical powers**_

_**Greater than your own"**_

…

_**That to those who brought**_

_**Harm to the people of this country**_

…

"_**That melted all the ice"**_

…

The King

…has fallen insane…

And killed his people

…

"_**When that person appears"**_

…

**You'd deliver**

…

"_**And saved me from the dark"**_

…

_

* * *

_

_**The curse will be broken after one use**_

_

* * *

_

…

Slowly

One- by- one

All the while

With that sinister smile

Along with his golden eyes

…

_**DEATH**_

…

"_**Kill that person"**_

…

_

* * *

_

_**The one I'll have you kill at that time**_

_

* * *

_

…

_**It shattered**_

…

"_**Smile Fai."**_

…

_**His world shattered**_

…

"_**Your smile heals my heart."**_

…

_**THIS IS A CURSE**_

…

"_**This is also MAGIC"**_

…

…_**all the cracked pieces fell one after another…**_

_**Revealing the hidden past**_

…

"_**I do not care about your past"**_

…

_

* * *

_

…_**must be me…**_

_

* * *

_

…

"_**Get this farce over with."**_

_**.**_

…

_**.**_

_I only want you to grant my wish_

…_Fai…_

_._

_****_

_._

_TRC has ended_

_And I am FAR from satisfied!!!_

_Luckily XXXholic is still ongoing_

_A better ending MUST be there, right????_

_Anyway_

_This story is also nearing its end_

_I hope that I still have readers to see it through, though._

_Please Leave me a Review!_

_PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEE?!_


	11. Of tears and ash

**Disclaimer:**

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is not mine- it's owned by CLAMP and made by CLAMP. Kuro-tan and Fai-san will never be mine… Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan were not made by me…It's a bittersweet thing…

**Author Notes:**

Ah-ah

It's been so long

I missed writing this but I didn't know how to start

And so I tried

And ended with this!

X3

It wasn't what I planned

But I enjoyed writing it all the same

It is different in a way

But it will help me on the last chapter/s

Hope you guys like it!

**WARNING: This fanfic is not as fluffy as the title**

.

**[The Devilish Big Puppy and the Vampiric Big Kitty]**

**.**

_**IX. "Of tears and ash"**_

_**.**_

"_**Soaring dragon**_

_**that commands the water**_

_**that protects Suwa"**_

…

It rains

…

"_**Guard the carrier of the heirloom**_

_**named after you."**_

…

As he watched he wondered

The rain

It was supposed to be a blessing

A gift from god

A gift brought upon by prayers

Prayers from the people

Prayers sung by the Miko

…

"_**Grant protection to Suwa."**_

…

But the Miko has died

Died as she prayed

Died as she sung

Sung for her people

Sung for protection

Sung with her prayers

…

So why?

Why does it rain?

…

Maybe kami cries?

Cries for her

Cries along with her

Cause her people falls

One after another

…they fall…

…

all around her

They fall along with her

And so the sky cried

…

Rain as black as ash

Rain as red as blood

Blood as red as fire

…

The Miko fell

Fell along with her Lord

Fell along with her people

…

And so Suwa fell

It fell like rain

Rain that once blessed the land

Rain that now falls like a curse

…

A rain of fire

Of ash

And of lives

…

And so darkness came

And fell upon the land

As countless people fell

For demons have come

…

And so the young Lord cried

Cried like the rain

Piercing the night with grief

…and of pain…

…

For his cries were heard by none

His tears were seen by none

The land could not hear his cries

For the land itself cried

…

And so he grieved

For a moment he did

For in his arms laid the Miko

And by his side was a sword

A sword that was carried by the Lord

…

After a while

The cries stopped

As the blood dried

And red became black

…

The land became silent

Silent as death

Silent as the night

For everyone has died

Died along with the demons

The demons that terrorized the land

…

It's just that

…the rain…

…the rain still fell…

…

Rain as black as ash

Rain as red as blood

Blood as red as fire

…

The Miko cried

Cried for her land

Cried for her Lord

Cried for her son

…

She cried silently

Silent and still

She cried with tears of blood

Flowing steadily, unending, non stopping

…

Her tears kept on falling

For she was mourning

For even in death

…she kept on praying…

…

"_**Soaring dragon**_

_**that commands the water**_

_**that protects Suwa**_

_**Guard the carrier of the heirloom**_

_**named after you.**_

…

_**Grant protection to Suwa"**_

…

The Lord could not cry

No matter how much he tried

Because he has no tears, no blood, no life

He has nothing to shed

For he has nothing left

…not even for his wife…

…nor son…

…much so his land…

…

It was such a sad tale

So sad…so sad

But it's no yet done

Oh no, it's not

…

For their son he is still there

Alive, oh yes he is

The young Lord lives

And that was it

…

The young Lord is lost

Lost in the dark

Lost in the fire

Lost in the ash

Lost because of his loss

…

He was still

Ever so still

He was mourning

He was grieving

…

And so the young Lord sat still

Ever so still

On his right he held his mother

On his left was the sword of his father

…

He held on

Strong and unyielding

Because he made a promise

And this time…

…this time he will not fail…

…

Because he is no longer weak

Because he became strong

When he was showered with loss

…

But it was late

Oh so late

His strength came in late

Ever so late

…

But still

He remained still

No one could reach him

No one should dare

…

Because the young Lord promised

He promised to be strong

Strong enough to protect

…

…and now he is…

…

Even though he is late

…

For everyone has died

And there is no longer

Anyone to protect

…

It was a nightmare

A horrible dream

And it was unreal

…

But then he woke

And he felt lost

For the world that greeted him

Was a nightmare

All on its own

…

But he was alive

Even though he was not well

He was alive

Even though he grieves

He was alive

…

And so he will live

…

For he was saved

Saved by a child

That smiles so mild

A powerful child

That closed his mother's eyes

…

"_**Tsukiyomi"**_

The goddess of the moon

She shone on that night

Ever so bright

So much like the moon

Shining brilliantly even in the dark

…

"_**I am Tomoyo"**_

…

The goddess whispered to him

Told him of a different name

Her real name

And it suited

He knows not why

But it was better

…

"…_**and you are?"**_

…

"_**Kurogane"**_

…

It was a new land

It felt like a new world

And it would be like a new life

For it felt like he had died

And maybe he had

Along with everyone he loved

…

However

The young Lord is stubborn

He was hard headed

And he is strong

…

And so he did not crumble

He did not break

He will not fall

He will rise

And he will grow

…

For as his land fell

As those he loved died

As a part of his soul crumbled

A wish of his took seed

…

It was a wish

It was a promise

It was his goal

…

_**He will be strong**_

…

He will have strength

Great strength

that no one can match

That no one can defeat

…

Because he made another promise

It was a promise to a child

A promise to his light

A promise to the one

The one that saved him that night

…

_**It was a promise**_

…_**to protect…**_

…

But she found him foolish

That what he seeks

Is not what he wish

And so she sent him away

To a different land

A different time

A different dimension

…

"…_**find the meaning of strength…"**_

…

And he found it

Along with a blue-eyed, blonde haired idiot of a mage

…

And so yeah… It was Kuro-sama's past. I had been centering on Fai but then I suddenly wrote about Kuro-pon and it was not even on a first person point of view. But yeah… It is different and is a whole lot more subdued… I wrote it this way because it was Kuro-tan… I don't see him as the 'I'll think of my horrible past' sort of person… so yeah.

And oh… the next part may be the last or second to the last so please look forward to it. XD

So yeah… REVIEWS? Anyone?


End file.
